Tag Archive for: parenting

The Most Important Life Skill to Teach Teens Is Empathy

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teen and mom sitting on couch looking at each other

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Empathy is the foundation of meaningful, healthy relationships. It’s more than simply being nice or polite—it’s the internal drive to truly understand and care about another person’s experience. At its core, empathy says: I see you. I care about how you’re feeling. I want to help. And when we act on that care, we create deeper bonds, mutual respect, and emotional security.

Empathy is not just a personal or family skill: it’s a professional one with real impact in the workplace. Incorporating empathy into your workplace can have significant benefits, including improved collaboration and communication with teams, creating a safe and open environment to discuss problems, issues, and concerns.  This fosters better workplace relationships resulting in greater employee satisfaction, higher retention, and a more positive work environment.

Beyond strengthening relationships at work, practicing empathy encourages personal growth by keeping individuals open to feedback and new perspectives. In every setting — whether at home or in a career — empathy is a powerful force for connection, problem-solving, and lasting success.

Yet despite being more connected than ever through technology, we’re growing more emotionally disconnected—especially our teens. Social media, texting, and screens have replaced real-time, face-to-face conversations. And for teens, who are still developing critical social and emotional skills, this shift comes at a cost.

Why Parents Need to Focus on Developing Empathy in Teens

Empathy is the invisible thread that creates trust and closeness. When someone expresses pain or stress and is met with genuine empathy, such as “That must be so hard. I’m sorry you had such a rough day. Let me know what I can do for you”, the emotional impact is enormous. That simple act says: I see you. I hear you. I care. It fosters a sense of togetherness and belonging—something we all deeply crave. That kind of connection makes us feel safe, seen, and supported.

When communication happens mostly through a screen, teens miss out on learning the subtle emotional cues that come with in-person interactions. They don’t get to read body language, hear vocal tone changes, or see a facial expression shift. These small but important cues are essential to understanding how others feel and building the capacity for empathy. They also help develop team-building and leadership skills. (You may also like to read: 8 Tips to Help Your Teen Communicate More Effectively in Today’s Digital World)

Empathy is not automatic. It’s a skill, a practice, a choice. We must teach teens how to understand and care about others. And like any skill, empathy grows through use and weakens through neglect. Some individuals may naturally lean toward being more empathetic, but everyone, regardless of their natural disposition, needs to practice it to maintain and strengthen it.

Empathy is not just a nice trait to have—it’s an essential life skill. It helps a teen respond when a friend is going through something painful, repair conflict or misunderstandings in a friendship, feel connected to their family, and build healthy relationships for life.

Why developing empathy in teens can be challenging

Adolescents are at a stage where identity, belonging, and social connection are front and center in their lives. Their self-worth is heavily influenced by how they are perceived by others. When their world is dominated by screen-based communication, it becomes easier to misread others or assume the worst. Empathy gives teens the ability to pause, consider another perspective, and build connections rooted in compassion rather than conflict, but if they don’t see it with their own eyes, they may not be able to incorporate it.

Think about this in a real-life context: When a teen comes home exhausted from school, overwhelmed by social pressure, and burdened by assignments, a parent’s empathetic response—“You’ve had a rough day, I can see it. Is there something I can do to help?”—can completely shift the atmosphere. That small moment of recognition is powerful. It teaches the teen: You matter. Your emotions are valid. You’re not alone.

3 Tips to Teach Teens Empathy

1. Model it by offering it to your teen

When a child experiences empathy from a parent, they are not only comforted in the moment — they are also learning what empathy feels like and how to offer it to others. A parent’s ability to listen, validate, and understand teaches a child that emotions are safe to express and worthy of care. Over time, this lived experience becomes the foundation for the child’s own capacity to empathize with friends, siblings, future relationships, and yes, their own parents. Empathy, when received, becomes empathy that can be given — shaping the way a child connects with the world.

Developing empathy in teens doesn’t require grand lessons — it happens in the small, consistent ways parents engage with their children every day. Whether it’s taking a moment to really listen when your child shares a worry, asking thoughtful questions about their feelings at dinner, or sitting with them when they’re upset without rushing to fix things, these moments model what empathy looks and feels like. When parents slow down, tune in, and show understanding, they are not only meeting their child’s emotional needs but also teaching the child how to do the same for others.

2. Talk about feelings openly and honestly

Sharing feelings is a must to learn the skill of empathizing with someone else’s position. For parents to truly teach the skill of empathy, they must first be comfortable acknowledging and talking about feelings themselves. Children learn how to understand and care about emotions by watching how their parents handle their own. When parents name their feelings — whether it’s stress, joy, frustration, or sadness — and talk openly about them, they create a safe space where emotions are normal and worth discussing. This openness helps children recognize and name their own feelings, an essential step in developing empathy for others. Teaching empathy begins with modeling emotional awareness; when parents are willing to engage in honest, feeling-based conversations, they give their children permission to do the same, laying the groundwork for deeper connection and understanding in all relationships. (Editor’s note: A great book to understand your emotions better is Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown.)

3. Let your teen experience different life perspectives than your own

Empathy grows when children are given opportunities to step outside their own world and experience life from different perspectives. Activities like volunteering, spending time with people from diverse backgrounds, travelling with your teen to different areas, or hearing stories that reflect different life experiences all help expand an adolescent’s understanding of others. These experiences teach kids that not everyone thinks, feels, or lives the way they do — and that every person’s story matters. The more teenagers are exposed to people and situations outside their familiar circle, the more naturally they develop the ability to imagine and care about what someone else might be feeling.

There Is Always an Opportunity to Build Empathy

The good news is that empathy isn’t something we either have or don’t have— it’s a skill that can be nurtured, modeled and practiced everyday at home.  Parents have daily opportunities for developing empathy in teens by naming their own feelings, listening with care, and guiding their children to consider other perspectives. These small but powerful moments — from sharing emotions at the dinner table to offering understanding during everyday frustrations — lay the groundwork for empathy to take root. With patience, intention, and real-life experiences that expand a child’s view of the world, parents help raise thoughtful, compassionate individuals who are prepared to build meaningful, connected relationships in every part of life. Empathy is a lifelong practice — and it begins at home.

What Happens When Parents Use the Rebellious Teen Label

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teen sitting with arms crossed and skateboard

Written by Susan Caso

As parents, we’re often told to prepare for the “rebellious” teenage years — to brace ourselves for slammed doors, loud arguments, and eye rolls. But what if this view isn’t just outdated — what if it’s also deeply unhelpful?

Calling teens “rebellious” frames their normal developmental drive for independence as a problem to be controlled, rather than a stage to be understood and supported. When we see our children’s natural growth as an act of defiance, we risk missing what’s really going on: differentiation and individuation — essential processes that help teens become healthy, autonomous adults.

Why Individuation Isn’t Rebellion

Differentiation and individuation are fundamental parts of growing up. Differentiation means a teen starts to define themselves as a person distinct from their parents, with their own opinions, preferences, and beliefs. Individuation is the broader process of becoming their own person, capable of self-direction and self-reflection.

These shifts are not only natural but necessary. A teenager who never questions rules, never disagrees, and never experiments with identity may actually be struggling to develop a sense of self. The process may look messy from the outside — with mood swings, experimentation, and challenging conversations — but that doesn’t make it pathological.

Problems arise, however, when parents view this natural push for autonomy through the lens of “rebellion.” The label itself suggests intentional defiance or aggression, rather than normal teen development. And once we apply this label, it colors how we see our kids and how we respond.

The High Cost of the “Rebellious Teen” Narrative

The word “rebellious” has a heavy negative connotation. It implies that teens are choosing to provoke, annoy, or challenge authority simply to upset adults. This narrative can quickly lead parents to assume the worst about their child’s motives, rather than staying open and curious.

Imagine your teen is coming home late, snapping at siblings, or refusing to talk about school. If you view this purely as “rebellion,” you may double down on control: tighter curfews, more restrictions, harsher punishments. But this often makes the problem worse, not better.

Instead, if you step back and ask, “What might be driving this behavior?” you may discover something entirely different, such as:

  • Anxiety about grades or college applications
  • Friendship struggles or feelings of exclusion
  • Exhaustion from an overloaded schedule
  • Undiagnosed learning differences making school feel overwhelming

Seeing your teen’s behavior as communication — not rebellion — invites you into a conversation rather than a power struggle. And that’s where real growth, trust, and problem-solving can happen.

A Day in a Teen’s Life: Why Agency Matters

Consider how little control many teens actually have over their daily lives:

  • They wake up to an alarm, often set early to fit the school schedule rather than their natural sleep cycle.
  • Bells tell them when to move from class to class.
  • They may have to ask permission to use the bathroom.
  • Lunch may come too early or too late, with limited time to eat.
  • They’re often required to take courses they find irrelevant or challenging, sometimes while struggling silently with a learning difference.
  • After school, many students have hours of extracurricular activities, part-time work, or both — often putting in 10–12 hour days, followed by homework.

In these conditions, it’s understandable that teens would crave agency — the ability to shape their own lives in meaningful ways. Wanting a say isn’t rebellion. It’s human.

How Parents Can Look at “Teen Rebellion” Differently

Instead of assuming your teen is being rebellious, try seeing their behavior as a signal: a clue to what they need, what they value, or what might not be working.

Here are a few ways to shift your approach:

1. Replace judgment with curiosity.

When your teen pushes back, ask yourself: “What are they trying to communicate?” You might discover underlying stress, fear, or a need to feel heard.

2. Validate their feelings, even if you can’t agree.

Validation isn’t permission. It means acknowledging that their perspective makes sense, even if your rules or decisions stay the same. This might include giving them your full attention, restating their feelings, and offering compassion and understanding.

3. Involve them in decision-making.

Whenever possible, invite your teen to help shape rules and routines. Teens are more likely to cooperate when they feel respected and included.

4. Adjust expectations to developmental milestones.

As your teen gets older, gradually offer more freedom and responsibility. Adolescence is the training ground for adulthood; letting them practice making choices — and mistakes — is essential. Related: Why We Have To Let Our Teens Suffer Through Their Poor Decisions

5. Keep the relationship central.

Teens still need closeness, warmth, and a safe space to land, even when they seem to pull away. Show consistent interest in their world, listen without immediately offering solutions, and make time together a priority.

Let’s Retire the Word “Rebellious”

Words shape relationships. When we label a teen’s normal developmental need for autonomy as “rebellion,” we set the stage for power struggles, resentment, and distance.

Instead, we can see adolescence for what it is: a time of profound transformation, when young people need guidance, boundaries, and trust — not punishment for wanting to become themselves.

Parents have an opportunity to move from a mindset of control to one of collaboration. This shift doesn’t mean abandoning boundaries; it means holding them thoughtfully, with openness and empathy.

Our kids aren’t trying to be “bad.” They’re trying to grow. And like any growth process, it can be messy, confusing, and sometimes hard to watch. Sometimes even the best of kids can make a bad choice.

Dropping the outdated “rebellious teen” narrative doesn’t mean ignoring real challenges. It means meeting those challenges with understanding instead of assumptions. It means remembering that behind every slammed door, late night, or argument is a young person asking, “Do you see me? Do you hear me? Can you let me become who I’m meant to be?”

That question deserves more than a label. It deserves our attention — and our love.

Focus on Offering Emotional Safety During the Teen Years

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teen looking at parent

Written by Susan Caso

As a therapist and a parent of three, I’ve spent more than 20 years helping families navigate the emotional complexities of raising teenagers. One thing has become undeniably clear: adolescence today is far more demanding than it was a generation ago.

Teens are growing up in a pressure cooker of academic expectations, rigorous sports, overscheduled lives, and an always-on digital world. Social media provides adolescents with a constant stream of curated images and comparisons that erode self-worth. Meanwhile, rates of anxiety, depression, and even suicidal ideation continue to rise. Beneath it all, teenagers are doing the hard work of identity formation—asking, Who am I? and Do I belong?

In this landscape, what young people need most from home is not more pressure to perform—or even to open up in ways that feel risky. What they need is emotional safety: a foundation of trust and connection that makes self-expression feel not just possible, but natural.

The Vulnerability Trap

The prevailing wisdom today suggests that vulnerability is the key to intimacy and closeness. Social media influencers, therapists, and bestsellers all praise the power of being open, raw, and exposed. And yes, there’s value in that. But for teenagers—who are already navigating fragile self-esteem and complex emotions—the push to “be vulnerable” can sometimes backfire.

That’s because vulnerability implies risk. For teens, sharing something personal with a parent might feel like walking a tightrope: Will I be judged? Will I disappoint them? Will I be misunderstood? When we frame emotional sharing as inherently risky, we may unintentionally discourage it.

Instead of emphasizing vulnerability, I believe we should promote emotional transparency.

What Is Emotional Transparency?

Emotional transparency is grounded in trust, not risk. It’s the ability to express what’s happening inside—your thoughts, feelings, fears, needs, and hopes—without bracing for impact. In a transparent relationship, teens don’t worry they’ll be met with judgment or dismissal. They know they’ll be met with empathy and curiosity.

Transparency allows for emotional honesty without emotional exposure. It doesn’t ask teens to be brave—it helps them feel safe enough not to need to be.

How to Build an Emotional Transparent Relationship

Creating this kind of emotional climate at home with your adolescent children doesn’t require dramatic conversations or constant confessions. It’s about shaping an environment where teens feel accepted as they are—where no part of them needs to be hidden. It starts with the everyday tone of your relationship. Teens need to feel that their inner world is welcome, not just tolerated but met with curiosity and care.

Here’s how parents can create that foundation:

  • Listen without interrupting or correcting. Let your teen finish their thoughts before responding, even if it’s hard to hear or you disagree. (Read: The Best Way To Have An Actual Conversation With Your Teen)
  • Validate their emotions. You don’t have to fully understand their perspective to affirm that their feelings are real and valid.
  • Avoid knee-jerk problem-solving. Like all of us, teens want to be heard, not fixed.
  • Model openness. Share your own thoughts and feelings in age-appropriate ways to normalize emotional honesty.
  • Welcome difficult topics. Stay calm and grounded, even when the conversation is uncomfortable or unexpected. (Read: This is What I Share with My Teenagers About My Wild High School Years)
  • Create a sense of belonging at home. Make your teen feel seen, valued, and accepted—not just for what they do, but for who they are.
  • Focus on the relationship. Nurture connection over correction. Let your daily interactions reflect that the relationship matters more than any task or disagreement.

When teens experience this kind of safety consistently, trust builds. That trust leads to openness, which leads to emotional closeness. And that closeness becomes a protective buffer against life’s many challenges.

The “Volley” That Builds Connection with Your Teen

Think back to when your child was an infant. You bonded through a series of simple, responsive interactions: they cried, you soothed; they reached out, you held them. That responsive rhythm made them feel safe.

Teenagers need that same rhythm—just in a new form. I call it “volleying.” Your teen serves up a thought, a feeling, a hesitation—and you respond with listening and acknowledgement of their position. They test the waters with something uncomfortable—and you show you can return with a calm presence. This back-and-forth creates emotional safety. Over time, what once felt vulnerable becomes routine. Sharing becomes a well-worn path, not a leap of faith.

Transitioning from Vulnerability to Emotion Transparency

Ultimately, emotional safety is not about urging teens to be brave enough to reveal themselves. It’s about cultivating a relationship where they no longer have to be. When home feels like a place where nothing is too much, too hard, or too wrong to talk about, teens don’t retreat—they lean in.

That doesn’t mean every emotion must be expressed or every problem disclosed. But it does mean your teen knows: There’s nothing I can’t say here. There’s nothing that will make you love me less.

And that’s what makes the difference—not just in the moment, but for life.

If we want to raise emotionally healthy and resilient teens, it may be time to reconsider the objective. The aim isn’t to coax vulnerability on demand—it’s to cultivate an environment where transparency feels natural. That means fostering a family culture in which authenticity is the norm and safety is a given.

So the next time your teenager hesitates to open up, ask yourself: Have I built the kind of space where honesty feels safe? Then, through calm words and consistent actions, show them you’re ready to listen—without judgment, without fixing. You’re present. You’re steady. And you can handle the hard stuff. Conversation, like trust, is a long game. Be prepared to return the serve.